just remembered an excerpt taken from Memoirs of Geisha, by Arthur Golden:
"What an unbearable sorrow it would be, to realize I'd never really tasted the things I'd eaten, or seen the places I'd been, because I'd thought of nothing but the Chairman even while my life was drifting away from me."
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i dunno about you but i cud identify myself with Sayuri (the woman whose story's been told in the book). For Sayuri, Chairman had become the center of everything in her life...every steps that she took was driven by the intention of getting nearer to the Chairman...to a certain extent, i admire her for confessing the statement out loud...it's a bold statement...sad but true...at least, she realized it...
i guess it may not be something uncommon...sometimes, on one extreme, we plan, strategize and take every steps necessary to achieve certain goals in lives...it cud be anything - be it a relationship, success, financial stability, freedom, marriage and the list goes on...On the other extreme, we cud be one passing by each day going through the routine of work and life without knowing for who and for what and why...questioning and searching...the cycle goes on...i think..whether we are on one extreme or on the other, we may find ourselves eating our heart and mind out...
what Sayuri had shared and written by Arthur Golden beautifully depicts something in the little journey i have been walking...while i was driving one day, i felt a sudden joy...i can't fully explain...i took a deep breath and was glad that i cud breathe...sound silly but every breath that i took was like dosage of ecstasy...it was like a sudden realization of joy and appreciation of having life...being able to breathe...i smiled and i thanked God...the next thing i heard in my heart..."whether u walk in gladness and in sorrow in life from now on, u will have life abundantly when you have Me..." the word sorrow may not be a pleasant thing to swallow, but the whole confirmation just comforted my heart...i don't know how but it just did...and it's not surprising that food does tastes better, sleep seems sweeter and laff seems fuller...
no matter what had happened in the past, whether i had walked life or not, it didn't matter...i hope i learn what David had learnt when he said "teach us to number our days aright, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." -psalm 90:12
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