well...welcome 2009 :)
I know new year had passed but my last post was Dec 2006...that's what I was trying to say, entering into a new year and leaving behind the two years of silence.
I read my previous post, sat back and recap the little happenings in my life and i could feel the warmth and my heart muttering "the road has not been easy but we made it through...what can I say but thank You."
The past years had been the most insane and the most exciting phase so far in my life. The last post still applies today and I know it will in the future. I've been in situations where I could relate with Jacob. Wrestling with Papa ain't no fun. It would leave you with chest pain, sleepless nights and panda eyes. Sometimes I do think that my eyes looked more tired than they should. It was partly because of the uncountable buckets of tears that I shed. Really i'm a crying baby...but not that kind of nuisance. But when i'm helpless, tears are the first ones that come accompany me. Try burying yourself in the blanket and cry for hours if you don't believe. Because of these experiences, they sort of left a physical 'mark' on my eyes just like Jacob's limp on his hips when he wrestled with God.
I'd never felt so helpless and incontrollable in my life before. But in such state, I was taken to play a part in Papa's film. Yes, I had no experience in acting and I think no director would ever want someone as blur as me to be on his film unless he's looking for a blur cast which in this case I think He probably was or may be He made a mistake...hmmm...Well, I think I could trust on this Director lah. He really took on His role. All I needed to do was to follow His directions. His scenes were very unpredictable though. There were no solid scripts or pre-planned story boards. Very different style of directing...Sometimes I thought I got it but when the scenes took place, He threw me into surprises. They came out as much better outcomes than I could have thought. I was chosen to cast in different roles and characters. Sometimes, I got to play in the big part and I got all the goodies. There were times that I was reluctant to play especially in the humiliating cast (if there is such word). Pardon my poor english.
Silence was not bad after all. When I shut up, I still hear something. At first, it was soft and a little tainted. Then, it built up so loud even in my loudest wail, I could hear it. It's the sound of His presence and inner voice.
Okay I think it's quite an accomplishment for me to write this length of post after two years of silence. Actually it wasn't totally silence. I wrote mostly in my personal journal. Oh btw it's already early morning. Catch up some sleep first..
